She’s Not Made Of Porcelain

From the beginning, it’s crucial that fathers nurture a daughter’s image of her body as strong, healthy, capable, and active. That means you might have to overcome a common misperception first, that of thinking of your daughter as delicate or fragile. Many dads I meet share this mistaken idea:

I’ve been very nervous ever since my daughter came into this world. I think I would know how to raise her better if she was a son. I think that girls are more delicate and precious. I feel that she is like a very fragile vase sitting at the edge of the table waiting for someone to carelessly knock it down. And once it falls, there is no way to keep it from breaking. I’m afraid that I will turn out to be a very strict and restricting father. – Dean

A daughter is not a fragile vase. Ironically, the more you treat her like one, the more fragile she will be. Think about how different things would look if this father changed the image of his daughter from porcelain vase to a lithe, flexible, warm, powerful, living, breathing being.

Suddenly, fathering a daughter becomes a lot more fun! He’s in a position to substitute an obsession with how her body looks with an appreciation for what it can do. He can chase around with his daughter, play catch, dance, have a good time.

When we stop treating our daughters like fragile vases, amazing potential and strength is released. We lay a foundation for them to become wonderful women—more solid than tottering porcelain on a pedestal. As boys, many of us grew up challenging and pushing each other physically.

We grew up loving to wrestle, work, play catch, build things, play cards, shoot hoops and make puns. We learned much of this love of using our bodies in fun ways from our fathers, big brothers, uncles, grandfathers and older cousins. This love of physicality is one of the most valuable gifts we fathers give our daughters.

My dad makes me very competitive in everything. It’s a really good thing, ‘cause I love sports. As far as I can remember, he’s always been there saying, “Go! Go!” If I’m not doing well, then he’ll be the one to tell me. He’ll tell me the truth. And he’ll say “go out there and play how you know how to play, and do what you know how to do, and beat them. Don’t quit. You can’t just quit because you’re tired.” It’s a lot of competitiveness. But it’s good, because it gets me places. – Maria

What motivates girls to take up sports and physical activity?

Research by the Melpomene Institute shows that the most influential factor is a father who plays with his daughter when she is young. When a father bounces his one year old on his knee, horse-plays with his three year old, kicks a ball around with his five year old, plays catch with his seven year old and shoots baskets with his 12 year old, he increases the odds that she’ll get and stay involved in physical activity as a teen. This substantially lowers the odds that his daughter will get in trouble during adolescence.

Among older teen girls, those who engage in sports and other physical activities are least likely to drop out of school, get pregnant, develop eating disorders, put up with abusive relationships, smoke, drink, do drugs—or develop breast cancer as adults. They are also the ones most likely to have a dad who was physically active with them when they were young.

Adapted from Dads & Daughters: How to Inspire, Understand, and Support Your Daughter by Joe Kelly and used by permission.