Fathers are Different than Mothers

Fathers are different than mothers. It’s so obvious that we don’t even stop to think about what the difference means. The relationship of a mother and her child develops quite literally from the inside out. For nine months, the mother and her child are together in a physical symbiosis that defies comprehension. On the most elemental level, they share ion the miracle of creation, and the day of birth is but the first important milestone in their already established connection.

Fathers, on the other hand, come to their children form the outside from the very beginning. We can participate in the progress of our wife’s pregnancy, we can place our hands in strategic spots to feel the kicks and jabs, we can listen to the swooshing heartbeat through a stethoscope, and now, thanks to the marvels of technology, we can watch videos of our child floating gently within her embryonic world. But our experience is always filtered; no matter how we participate, fundamentally, we remain on the outside. Our first real contact withy our child is when we pick up our newborn and cradle her in our arms.

In some profound way, our biological placement in the process of birth mirrors the challenges we will face throughout out children’s lives. For most mothers, the primary struggle of parenthood is stepping back far enough to allow the child room to grow and develop. The challenge for most fathers, on the other hand, is coming in close enough so that we can build a strong and lasting bond.

Adapted from The Pocket Idiot’s Guide to Being an Expectant Father by Joe Kelly and used by permission.